i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
