Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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