you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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