too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
