My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
