Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
