hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
