I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize