I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
