Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
