I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
