turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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