What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
