I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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