cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
