Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
