I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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