Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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