now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
