Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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