i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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