she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
