When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
