I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize