he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
