i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
