3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
