evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish you could order shots online.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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