You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
