I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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