You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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