Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
