"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
