yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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