I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
