If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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