walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
