Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
