tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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