she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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