JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
