I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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