you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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