Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
