I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
