I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
