My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
