My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
