You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
