man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
not ubering you a puppy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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