Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
