Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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