We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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