That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
