omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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