I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
