reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
