Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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