i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
