areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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