He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
