Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
