never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
