i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
