so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
