I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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