I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
