u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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