I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
