i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
